• I survived my first monday of the 2017/18 school year. (I bartend every Monday night from 4pm to midnightish after school from 7:30am to 2:30pm)
  • I’m attempting to be more organized. I’m always attempting to be more organized. I’m chaos. I have to be better. You’ll see why in one hot second.
  • I am teaching 5 classes this year. I am teaching four separate grade levels this year. (I teach English at an alternative high school). I have never had my grade levels so completely separate like this. I have A LOT of work ahead of me.
  • We are working on eliminating our financial stress. We have A LOT of work ahead of us.
  • I miss Q. She’s only been in college for two weeks and she’s only and hour away. Yet, I miss her likes it’s been a whole year. Did I mention she surprised me with a pop in labor day weekend? Yea, I know I’m a bit ridiculous.
  • I’ve been feeling very reflective this week and one thing keeps popping up on me…. I hid most of the summer. To be honest, I’ve been “hiding” for a year or more. Last year at this time, I was discovering a love for a crossfit-like gym. I decided to take a break from the gym for the summer. A big part of my summer budget was cancelled and I couldn’t justify spending money at the gym when we were stretched thin with with a kid starting college.
  • I thought I could and would workout on my own. Remember that hiding thing. I hid from everything. I didn’t particularly take very good care of myself this summer. I didn’t do a whole for my physical or mental well being. I didn’t workout. I didn’t meditate. I didn’t yoga. I ate like crap. I worked and ate and hid. All with my usual perky smile.
  • I miss the gym but I don’t think I’m going back. And I’m ok with it. I really want to straighten out my financial mess. To do this, I don’t think it’s smart to add any bill. It’s time to get back to my yoga, my walks, my meditation.
  • A haircut helped to start this mental ball rolling.
  • I started with hair almost to my butt and I had the dead ends cut. Then an undercut.
  • But that wasn’t enough and a few weeks later….
  • It is absolutely amazing how a fresh hair cut & color can boost your outlook. I love how my hair moves and swings. I feel feel a bit sassy.
  • I’ve been trying to put put bit of an effort into my appearance. I dab on some concealer (I have the darkest circles ALL the time. For reference, see the picture below. I’d was 23ish with dark circles.) and mascara. I’ve also been wearing dresses. Who am I?

  • I need a pedicure. I haven’t had my toes pretty in more than 2 years. Sigh. #notinthebudget #andwontbeforalongtime but it’s all good. I’m handlin’ business.
  • I’m on a roll with picking out my clothes and packing my lunch before bed. It has made school mornings almost pleasant. Yes, it is just me getting ready for school (work). I’m ridiculous in the morning.
  • I came home from work (my monday bartending gig) last night and by the time I climbed in bed it was almost 1:30am. I was tired. Yet, my brain would not shut up. I tried every trick I know.
  • My everything is giving me every signal. I must listen and figure out what I need.
  • I may have said enough for today. 😉
  • Hugs and loves!

My aching back

I am sitting on my couch and I’m sorta comfortable. My back has been bugging me for days.

It started sometime Friday….a twinge, then pain. I blew it off because my period had just started and cramps and back twinges can symptoms for me. Well, a few hours after that initial twinge my lower back was full-on screaming in pain.

It hurt to stand up. It hurt to sit down. It hurt to stretch out in bed. Oh man, I was fucked. I spent the weekend alternating between the heating pad and ice pack. I consumed A LOT of advil. And I slept very little.

I hurt so bad, I called out of work. I gave up a Saturday serving shift. Then yesterday, Monday, I was still hurting so I gave up my bartending shift. (Side note here….my Q leaves for college in 3 days. Just so you have idea what it means to give up 2 money making shifts right now. ) When you hurt so much you can’t stand up, it’s going to be hard to serve food and make drinks with any speed. I still feel sort of guilty for taking off work. Yes, I know my body needed the rest but my brain can’t stop thinking about the money I could have earned.

I waited until yesterday so I could see my chiropractor. My lower back and hip flexors are locked up. Owie. I’m going back to see him today and probably one more time this week. Did I mention my daughter moves into college this week? You should see how much stuff she is taking with her!!! My chiropractor is a GENIUS! I may still hurt todsy, but my pain level is way lower than yesterday. I can’t wait to go back today!

On another note…

I’ve pretty much done nothing for days. Doing nothing gives a person lots of time to think. I have so many things swirling in my brain….Q and college, finances, work, passion, career, moving, life changes, health-me and big man, yanno, nice easy stuff.

One thing to come out of all that thinking….I need to write more, whether it’s here or in a pen/paper journal I am not sure. I want to find my zen again and I think writing will help me.

#fiveminutefreewrite #9: water

I’ve lived my whole life living within 5 driving minutes from water. salt water. I actually grew up on an island. there was am ocean on one side and a bay on the other. at the north end if the island you can actually see where the two meet. it’s pretty cool. 

This time of year, I don’t always appreciate the water where I live. you see, my water is salty, atlantic ocean water. there is nothin tropical about our water. but it’s home. it is December and therefore not your typical month for outdoor, water activities and very easy to take for granted. 

Another thing about water and taking water for granted….

My girlfriend’s son has given up Christmas for the last 5ish (maybe more bUT  bad with numbers) years. he has instead raised money for charity.or an organization who helps build wells in places without access to fresh water. 

This boy is amazing! (tomorrow I will add in a link here for more information about Bridger’s Christmas water campaign)

And one final thought….

I am not drinking enough water these days. how do you drink a water by the ton when it’s not hot outside?

#fiveminutefreewrite #8: maybe


Maybe I should start this earlier. I’m tired at 1053 (the time I am starting). I’m in bed. and I don’t like taking my phone to bed and currently, my only way to blog. but, here I am. (lack of capitalization is the biggest tell of blogging on my phone)

Maybe I need more yoga and meditation in my day. I’m feeling somewhat unfocused….not entirely unfocused but I’m really not sure my next move, my next step. I have several irons in the fire but no really plan for what happens when I pull an iron out.

Maybe I’ve been avoiding may mat and maybe I kinda think I’m figuring out why. maybe avoiding my mat means I can avoid feeling and dealing with things. 

Maybe I am starting to feel and deal anyway. only starting. you see, I realize the gym is therapeutic. I feel energized and ready to tackle stuff. I’m even beginning to process different thoughts .  

Maybe I need more writing. this little bit of writing has been pretty amazing but what if I need more private journaling type writing. maybe that could be a place to work thru the swirling thoughts about what I want next. I have so many ideas and maybe of I journal it I can declutter the swirling chaos.

Maybe I can declutter more than just my mind. my house is kinda cluttered and maybe it’s starting to get on my nerves. but true confession: I’m lazy. 

Maybe I should work on that . 

#fiveminutefreewrite #7 PLEASE



Please forgive me, I started to write this last night and I fell asleep. I was in bed but it was sort of early. Well, early for my usual bed time.  I don’t usually fall asleep in the middle of doing things. I am that person who can read and think it will help them fall asleep but instead, I am the person who will find themselves still awake at 3am finishing just one more chapter.


Not an easy prompt.

An easy little word. Just one little syllable. Yet, it must be a hard word to say. So many people forget to use it.

ALL day long at school, I hear myself responding “please” when students are asking for things. It seems like they forget they were ever taught the word. But teenagers are not the only ones who forget this word.

I know I am occasionally guilty of not using that word.

I will try better to use it all the time when it is appropriate.


#fiveminutefreewrite #6:clothes

5 minutes on the clock 



  • I have a love/hate relationship with clothes 
  • I need new clothes
  • Stuff that makes complete outfits. 
  • I also need some shoes. 
  • Wearing pants is overrated and at home, when I can, I go pants free. 
  • I love my leggings. 
  • But lately, I’ve been feeling this urge to wear dresses. 
  • Maybe leggings under my dresses will be my way to go. 
  • Christmas is around the corner. a family gift is a mini-mini-vacation/mini-shopping spree.
  • Lancaster Outlets here we come. 
  • I’ll have my Q to help me find the perfect dress styles/shape. 
  • I also like the idea of simple slacks and blouses…..do these things truly come in a material that does not need to iron?
  • Confession: I don’t own an iron. 
  • Ooh. cardigans. 
  • My classroom temperature is totally infreakingsane. Hot cold hot cold. all day long. 
  • I feel like I need to dress just a little more put together.  
  • A little more grown up. 
  • I need to move somewhere tropical…sandals and sundresses I totally understand. no effort
  • Truth: sandals and sundresses always fit. that is part of the charm. 
  • I have a ton of clothes: clothes that fit too big, too small, and my leggings; winter clothes still in the attic; summer clothes still in my closet. 
  • I need some organization and purging before we go shopping .  
  • From clothes to purging ……

#fiveminutefreewrite WEATHER

Ha. what a funny prompt. I came home early from school and went back to bed. with my phone, Netflix app, and a mission. 

Gilmore Girls reboot. 

I have somehow avoided spoilers for an entire week. in the social media world we live in this is surprising. but I managed to avoid all spoilers. 

Don’t worry. no spoilers here either. 

But everyone knows there are four episodes, each named for one of the four seasons. 

I came home early, rested and watched  GG. I think I am starring to feel better and I don’t think that is the Pepto talking. 

Tomorrow is Saturday and I have absolutely nothing planned. which is good because after feeling like crap all week long, I feel the need to open my windows (for as long as the weather cooperates) and air out the sick. plus, I am so behind in my chores. the laundry is piled up to ridiculous heights for only two people. add in a week of sick and the sheets must be washed first thing. 

If the weather cooperates and I can feel well enough to be very productive, I’d like to talk a small little walk. I have done no workouts this week. I have not been able to eat or drink very much water the last few days and this is not a good  way to  prepare for the gym. part of me is ready to go back but then I remember I am still sort of queasy and very tired. 

I just feel weak and tender. 

I’d really like the weather to cooperate,  maybe be like yesterday (60° on December 1st) or close to it. I’d love a gentle walk out in the fresh air. 

South jersey is so weird and the weather cannot be trusted. it could be 30ish° when I wake up and 55-60° before dark. Sometimes we get all 4 seasons and sometimes we get a rainy, a cold, and a humid season. 

See. weird and not to be trusted. 

Fingers crossed for warmish and sunnyish weather to tomorrow. 

And don’t forget to cross fingers for a productive morning. 

Ha. my alarm went off without me even realizing it.