My head is spinning and I figured why not write it out here. Buckle up because I am not sure where this post will go. I am just going to write what comes out of my head and heart.
I know. I know. I haven’t written anything in FOREVER. I actually deleted (well, archived) all my old posts just a few weeks ago because I didn’t think I would blog again. It hasn’t felt right. I am not sure if this feels right but since I need to sort thru some thoughts.
But I miss the journaling and sharing part of my page. I have tried the paper journal and I get blocked. It is the weirdest thing, I look at my writing and I can’t keep writing.
So, here I am.
Life has moved at lightning speed lately.
Let’s see…super random life update!!
- Q graduated high school, went to college, and has completed her second year. She is “home” for the summer, working two jobs. She is amazing!! I am a lucky mom and I have really, really enjoyed this new phase of our relationship. It has been weird transitioning from kid-mom to adult-mom but it has also been pretty cool.
- In the last yearish, I lost both of my cats. They both passed very suddenly and I am still not over it. I cried a lot and I still get weepy when I think about them.
- I filed for bankruptcy. This was the hardest decision but absolutely necessary. We were drowning. We researched. We tried everything we could for YEARS. We fought and struggled until we just could not keep our nose above the water line.
- Student loans do not get included in a bankruptcy so I am still dealing with them…in a nutshell…all my loans were dispersed thru three different companies and they were all in default. When my loans initially started, the monthly payment was way higher than I could afford. I used every forebearance and deferrment I ccould until there were no more. I still couldn’t afford the payments so I ignored them. I buried my head in the sand. There’s nothing like a bankruptcy to force you to pay attention and remove your head from the sand.
- I am just about out of default. I went through a rehabilitation program with each of those three companies. I have received two out of three letters stating I have successfully completed the rehabilitation. I will be honest, I am sorta freaking out now because I have received new monthly payments from two and I am not sure I can swing those payments either. But, I am not giving up!! I am going to figure out how to consolidate these loans into a manageable payment.
- In December we moved. It is a nice house with a nice backyard in a nice town. I can’t believe how good this move has been for me mentally. I didn’t even realize my old house was suffocating me. I felt like the debt was swallowing me hole.
- I can see now that my health has suffered over the last several years. I quit the gym (it was just too much money and that was stressing me out). I quit myself. I haven’t practiced yoga in forever. My meditation practice is practically non-existent. ugh. and I have gained a bunch of weight. I try not to focus too much on this number but I can tell by the way I feel it is too much. I am at my highest weight ever and I feel it.
- Almost 8 weeks ago, I was on a field trip with my after school program. We took the kids roller skating and I let myself be talked into trying to roller skating. Those cute little kid faces! I couldn’t say no! Well, I fell. I must have put my hand down because I wound up with a fractured (actually, a non-displaced fracture of the radial head) elbow. I babied the heck out of this arm to heal it. I am right-handed so this was rough! Lucky for me, I have an amazing husband. He has cooked every single meal and handles all the household chores since I fell. I got the all clear from doc yesterday.
- Career. I have options…sorta. I would love to go back to school to get my Master’s in Educational Leadership. There is a small part of me that would like to eventually take over as principal of my school. But, with all my student loans I just don’t see how this can possibly work. I decided to get my degree in education because when I started college I was a single mom and I wanted a career that allowed me to be mom. This is a decision I will never regret. I thought there was no way I would want to be an administrator. I wanted summers off to be with my kid. Well, guess what?!? I have pretty much had to work every summer, not to mention after school almost every day. A teacher salary only goes so far. But it doesn’t look like further education is going to be possible in the near future.
- Career part 2. I love my job. I have been in my position for 12 years. I started my career here. I love what I do. I love the kids I teach. I feel like I am needed here. BUT, I have been feeling like I might want a change. A position at another school in my district has become available. I qualify for it but I am not sure I should apply for it. It is a completely different job – different building, different age level, and slightly different subject. I am so torn. I think I need a huge pro/com list.
- Thirty-One. I became a consultant for Thirty-One in August. I signed up under a friend using a FANTASTIC deal. I love the products and I love my group but I don’t think I really love sales. I can talk about what I love and I can interact with my group. I do these things and I have fun with it but sometimes I feel like I am just bugging my friends. I am thinking about how I want to run this business. I am thinking maybe people would rather I buy the products and they can buy directly from me. I am not sure. I have to figure out how to do this best.
That felt really good. I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my head.