I do not write or say these words lightly.

July has its share of rough patches but none rougher than the week Big Man was in the hospital.  Doctors and nurses and lots of scary words…

Over the Memorial Day weekend, me and my husband were really sick and tested positive for covid. We both had different symptoms but for about three days, we were both really sick then started to feel improvement with lingering symptoms.

Big Man had lingering breathing issues that led him to call the doctor but because of his symptoms they would only schedule a virtual appointment. Doc said bronchitis and prescribed meds. After the course of med, big man said he thought he felt a little better but not really so he went to work. Work was a very bad idea but I really had no idea how bad he was feeling until Friday rolled around and I knew he was still sick.

After a sleepless night, I sent him to urgent care. Just walking from the parking lot to the registration desk caused labored breathing and panic. Doc saw him, x-rayed him, and sent him home with a bronchitis diagnosis. More antibiotics and a lot of resting for the remainder of the weekend. Monday, Big Man went to work.

Gods, we are stubborn people. I say we because I would have been the same way. The endless loop in our brain that says:

• Must go to work
• Must earn that check
• Must pay bills

Why do we put ourselves through this thought process???

Work did not go well. Summer heat and humidity were in full effect and Big Man was struggling but made it through almost three days of work. We called our regular doctor and were told to go to the emergency room. The ER took X-rays and immediately saw fluid and a very large heart. We knew from this moment, he would be admitted….Big Man spent a week in two hospitals. He was in our local (and I mean 5 blocks from home) hospital for 3 days and had one procedure. Then he was sent to Penn Presbyterian in Philly where he spent 4 days and had a heart procedure before being discharged.

Big scary words were said many times. Heart failure. Those words took my breath away. How can my big, strong husband have heart failure?!? How could this be possible???

I can’t and won’t dwell too much on those scary words because it makes my heart beat fast. I can’t breathe when I think about how close I came to losing my world. I can’t breathe when I think about how stubborn we were…he went to work….a new job he got right before we got COVID. He went to work because he didn’t want to lose his new job.

Why is money the place we started and not his health?!?

We never thought he was as sick as he was and we were so stupid. I could have lost my husband and we were worried about paying bills. This little spin right here has really messed with my head.

I could have lost my husband.

He’s alive and well. In fact, he’s sitting next to me while I write this. He looks good! He’s been following doctor’s orders and doing what he’s supposed to be doing. We have follow up doctor appointments and more health stuff to work on but his heart is back to its proper size and is working the way it is meant to work.

I could have lost my husband.

He’s alive and I’m gonna keep him that way!

*thanks for reading! I needed to get this out.