2018 here I come

a new year

a new you

hmmmf

I struggle so hard with this concept. I have spent a lot of time working on liking me. For me. As I am.

I grew up sort of hating myself and thinking I needed to change.  I needed to lose weight, to quit smoking, to lose weight, to exercise more, to eat more veggies, to lose weight. You see, everything about changing myself always seemed to revolve around losing weight. I spent my childhood and early adulthood thinking there were so many  things wrong with me. Something I don’t mention often is about my mom when I was a kid. You see she was young and hotheaded and said things. Whenever she was frustrated or I had done something wrong, my mom called me names. “stupid” “fat” “bitch” “ugly”

I spent a lot of time getting past the hurtful things my mom said and did when I was a kid. LONG STORY, BUMPY ROAD

Fast forward….

I did things the difficult way.

At 21 I had my daughter. At 22, I left my daughter’s bum of a sperm donor and was a single mom. At 23, I became a college student. And at 25, I met the man who would become my husband and the best daddy my baby girl could ever know.

I started to find myself when I left my ex. I came more and more into my own as the years passed. My husband has been the single best influence on me when it came to finding myself, being ok with just being me, and eliminating toxic people in my life. (so much story with this one)

Six years of school later and at 29, I became a high school English teacher.

In fact, 29 was a very good year. I graduated college with two bachelor degrees. I started teaching at an alternative high school (I am still at the same school). I got married!!

29 was a very good year! And I did not set any NY Resolutions that year!

I am a little bit older.

2018 will be the year I turn 40. I am at the same job, married to the same man. But life is a bit different and more changes are on the horizon.

I don’t do well with resolutions. I don’t want to create a massive goals or to-do list. I thought about a word. There were a few that jumped out at me. But I wasn’t all that successful with that last year. I never truly picked a word.

Then my word(s) HIT ME!!!

PURGE & CREATE: I decided I couldn’t have one without the other

 

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Purge –

My life has changed drastically in the last year and there are more, possibly huge changes heading my way. My daughter graduated high school and began college, away from home. I filed for bankruptcy (a very, very difficult decision). I am looking at a possible relocation. I am not sure what this means right now. This not-knowing is scary. But I will be moving and probably into a smaller place. I have an attic that is full of 14 years of crap errr….life.

Hence, the need for a purge!!

But let me be clear, I have some non-physical junk to purge as well.

create_definition_mousepadCreate- a book, a really awesome girls group, a love of reading in non-readers, crochet projects, a yoga/meditation space. I could go on but I don’t want to overwhelm myself.

I tend to do that. I just want to create!!

 

So, 2018 here I come!!!

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