breaking my bloggy silence

I have been silent since I broke my walking streak. I wish I could say I was doing great things. I haven’t.
Truth is, I was very wrapped up in hit after hit of grown up yuck. Both vehicles needed new tires and new brakes and normal annual maintenance. We discovered my car needs a new head gasket. Oh joy. Then our refrigerator died. Those are the biggies and of course the small, daily stresses. It felt like there was always one thing after another that require time and money.

While in the middle of the chaos that the universe was throwing at me, I didn’t know how we would handle. But handle it we did. We always do but that doesn’t make it any less stressful, important and scary while in it. I can look back and say there is a silver lining. I rediscovered just how strong I can be, how strong my little family can be. We are fighters not giver-uppers. I worked a few extra Applebee’s shifts and big man picked up work every chance he got. Things were handled but it still sucks to be a grown up….sometimes. And because there was opportunity to handle it all, I can be thankful. I am grateful to be employed and to have a loving family!

Unfortunately,  I let the monkey wrenches weigh on me which made it hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit this year. Sometimes the routine of the holiday is enough to get me started and I leaned heavily on my traditions this year more than ever. We have made our Christmas a day of joy and family. We have scaled down and only spend money for our tripod and the rest of the family (our family is a motley crew) gets homemade goodies. Preparing said goodies led me to thinking about my friends and family. I chose to only focus on the good and positive. I did not want any negative energy infused in my gifts. This worked to get me through the week leading up to and including Christmas.

Sidenote: was it just me or did you blink on Thanksgiving and wake up to it being Christmas??

I have been very reflective the last few weeks. On Christmas day when I looked around and saw my house full of family and the friends we call family I couldn’t help but smile and get a little teary eyed. I don’t think it possible to have been happier.
To love and to be loved.
It is enough.
I have spent the week since Christmas reflecting and recharging. I have read books and binge-watched Big Love. I’ve spent a lot of time in bed. And lots of quality time with big man, in and out of bed. The teenager did what teenagers do and spend half the week with her BFF.

Another truth.

I don’t think I knew the effects of my walking streak. So much good. I mean I walked every day for months. Pretty awesome and I know it. But I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep that streak up.  I didn’t see that until about a month after I ended it.

And then it was just over. I would like to say I stayed active and for a  while I did but I let that all slide. As the stressors (remember those monkey wrenches)kept piling on, it was all I could do to keep my head from spinning off my neck. I realize now that was horrible. Not that taking time off working out is the end of the world, but neglecting myself is unacceptable. I neglected my physical body and my soul. I let the stress pile up and gave myself no outlet. I just bottled it all up, held it all in.

It is that time of year when everyone sets resolutions and goals. This was just another thing to add to that pile of stress. I have gone through the circle on this one – what am I looking for, what do I want this year? Big goals, little goals, that kind of thing.

The last few days and while writing this post, I am so clear. This year, I need to continue the good work I started in 2014. Look at the good and positive and build from there.

I have two words that keep circling and coming back to me. Truth & Acceptance. I will use these two words to guide me as I embark on the adventure that is 2015. The two go together – finding my truths, owning them will require accepting those truths.

I need a whole new post to further go into detail about my chosen words. I plan on using this blog more as a journal than I have lately.



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