{"id":2347755,"date":"2024-10-01T13:53:24","date_gmt":"2024-10-01T17:53:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/?p=2347755"},"modified":"2024-10-30T08:53:46","modified_gmt":"2024-10-30T12:53:46","slug":"whatsinyourcontrol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/whatsinyourcontrol\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Kids Control What They Can (and Let Go of What They Can\u2019t)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em>Original GoZen! Song: Focus on What Matters<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-audio\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/GoZen_FocusOnWhatMatters.mp3\"><\/audio><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You can now download the entire Resilient Rhythms album inside the GoZen membership, plus activities to go with each song! Learn about membership <a href=\"http:\/\/gozen.com\/programs\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"gozen.com\/programs\">here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Too much homework. Rainy days that spoil outdoor plans. Unkind behavior from others. Strict rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Life doesn&#8217;t always go the way kids want it to. While there&#8217;s not much they can do to change that, their frustrated reactions suggest they&#8217;re feeling something very personal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s not fair!\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t believe this is happening!\u201d \u201cNothing goes right for me!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s really difficult for kids to understand the difference between things that can be controlled and things you just need to live with. However, while we can&#8217;t always fix the world\u2019s unfairness, what we can do is teach our kids the vital skill of recognizing how to change what they can\u2014and how to handle the rest. Here are three simple steps to help your child understand the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"gb-headline gb-headline-38dbe049 gb-headline-text\">Step 1: Teach the Difference with Examples<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Kids don\u2019t always have a clear understanding of what\u2019s within their power and what\u2019s not. Start by using examples they can relate to. For instance, \u201cCan you control how your teacher grades your essay?\u201d (No.) \u201cBut can you control how much time and effort you put into the essay?\u201d (Yes!) Or how about, &#8220;Can you control how others treat you?&#8221; (No.) &#8220;But can you control how you respond or treat them?&#8221; (Yes!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can also bring it back to everyday situations: \u201cCan you control whether it rains tomorrow?\u201d (No.) \u201cBut can you control how you\u2019ll dress for the weather?\u201d (Yes!) Helping your kids see the difference with small, clear examples allows them to better grasp the bigger picture of control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"gb-headline gb-headline-d7cd1852 gb-headline-text\">Step 2: Focus on Effort, Not Outcomes<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes, kids get stuck in a loop of worrying about the end result. \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t win the game?\u201d or \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t get picked for the team?\u201d Instead of focusing on the outcomes\u2014often beyond their control\u2014teach them to focus on what they can control: their effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Encourage your child by saying, \u201cYou can\u2019t control whether you win, but you can control whether you\u2019re a good teammate.\u201d This helps shift their mindset to value their attitude, effort, and hard work, rather than just the final outcome. It\u2019s about reinforcing that how they approach challenges is what matters most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"gb-headline gb-headline-d2ac51d7 gb-headline-text\">Step 3: Help Them Let Go of What\u2019s Beyond Their Control<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This is a tough one, even for adults, but learning to let go of what\u2019s out of our hands is a crucial life skill. When your child is upset about something they can\u2019t change, help them refocus by asking, \u201cIs there anything you can do about this right now?\u201d If the answer is no, help them think about a positive action they can take\u2014like a fun distraction, taking a different perspective, or thinking about something else they\u2019re excited about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Teaching kids to recognize what they can control and let go of what they can\u2019t empowers them to face challenges with resilience. It\u2019s a lesson they can carry for life!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Life doesn&#8217;t always go the way kids want it to. While there&#8217;s not much they can do to change that, we can help them learn the difference between what&#8217;s inside and outside of their control.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2190,"featured_media":2347773,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[426,135,209,907],"tags":[180,138,155],"class_list":["post-2347755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intelligence","category-gozen-anxiety-relief","category-happiness","category-negative-thoughts","tag-anxiety-in-children","tag-control","tag-mindfulness","no-featured-image-padding"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2190"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2347755"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347755\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2353187,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347755\/revisions\/2353187"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2347773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2347755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2347755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2347755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}