{"id":2083,"date":"2012-08-15T12:23:42","date_gmt":"2012-08-15T16:23:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/?p=2083"},"modified":"2018-11-15T13:16:48","modified_gmt":"2018-11-15T18:16:48","slug":"giving-your-childs-anxiety-a-name","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/giving-your-childs-anxiety-a-name\/","title":{"rendered":"Giving Your Child’s Anxiety a Name"},"content":{"rendered":"

Contributed by proud mother and writer, Kelly Harbaugh.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Is She Talking Yet?”<\/p>\n

I looked at the daycare director, puzzled by her question.\u00a0 My daughter was almost two years old, and she talked a lot<\/em>. \u00a0How could she not know this?<\/p>\n

The director explained that she hadn\u2019t talked to anyone at daycare yet, so she was just making sure.\u00a0 We both wrote it off to shyness and figured that she would eventually start talking in class.\u00a0 I was actually relieved to find out that she was considered to be the \u201cquiet little angel.\u201d\u00a0 Her two-year-old tantrums at home could get quite loud, and it was good to know that she didn\u2019t act that way in public.<\/p>\n

At age three, the silence continued.\u00a0 However, as soon as I walked into the room at the end of the day, I was greeted with, \u201cMommy, we did\u2026\u201d followed by a very lengthy description of an activity.\u00a0 This would usually draw gasps from the teacher, who claimed that these were her first words of the entire day.<\/p>\n

Still, we were fortunate to have very loving and patient teachers, so it did not become an issue.<\/p>\n

\"\"Everyone assumed that she would grow out of it<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

One sweet girl, Amanda, had been her teacher for two years in a row. We were late one morning, so my daughter walked in eating her breakfast.\u00a0 She finished her breakfast, handed the wrapper to Amanda, and said \u201cI\u2019m done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been her teacher for two years, and those are the first two words that she ever said to me,\u201d Amanda marveled.<\/p>\n

Because my daughter was so comfortable with Amanda, we asked her to babysit one night in our home.\u00a0 When we returned that evening, Amanda\u2019s face was full of disbelief.\u00a0 The quiet child she had taught for two years was laughing, dancing, and talking freely in front of her.\u00a0 She had to pick up the phone and call the other teacher to share the commotion.<\/p>\n

This behavior was so puzzling.\u00a0 How could a child who acted so vibrant with her family at home completely freeze up in public?\u00a0 \u201cShy\u201d did not accurately describe this problem, but we had no other words to use.\u00a0 We were still hopeful that she would grow out of this phase.<\/p>\n

But we were starting to worry.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kindergarten was approaching, and our concerns were rising.\u00a0 So far this had been a cute, quirky characteristic, but if she didn\u2019t start talking in school, we knew that we would have a problem.\u00a0 We started to remind her often that she must talk to her kindergarten teacher.<\/p>\n

A few days into kindergarten, a kind but concerned teacher gave us the news that we had been dreading:\u00a0 our daughter was not talking in class.\u00a0 We decided that it must be a stubborn personality.\u00a0 I called her into the room and spoke to her right in front of the teacher.\u00a0 I made it very clear that we expected her to start talking, and that every day that she didn\u2019t would bring punishment at home.<\/p>\n

Surely she would know that we meant business.<\/p>\n

The punishments went on for five days.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband tried to remain stern, but he was exhausted from her tears.\u00a0 This was our compliant child.\u00a0 We never had to go to such extremes to get her to behave.\u00a0 His gut was telling him that there was more to this than defiance.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have to find something else that we can do,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cThis is not working.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knowing that you need help is quite different than knowing where to find it.\u00a0 We were completely lost and had no idea where to turn for guidance.<\/p>\n

I had a friend who had been a school psychologist before taking time off to raise her own kids.\u00a0 I dialed her phone number and left a desperate message on her answering machine. \u00a0\u00a0However, I did not hear back right away.<\/p>\n

Two days later we were in church, and we shared our difficulties with our adult class.\u00a0 Immediately after class, a familiar couple came to our rescue.\u00a0 \u201cI think I know what the problem is,\u201d the wife began.\u00a0 \u201cOur daughter has selective mutism.\u00a0 We taught your daughter in Sunday school when she was two, and she exhibits the same symptoms.\u201d\u00a0 She directed me to some online material to learn more.<\/p>\n

I started reading about a typical child who has selective mutism, a childhood anxiety disorder in which children who are able to speak at home fail to speak in social situations. \u00a0The detail was so accurate; it was like the author had been secretly spying on my family.\u00a0 This was my child.<\/p>\n

It took about five seconds for the tears to start falling.\u00a0 We were not alone.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was completely stunned that I had never heard of this before.\u00a0 How could we have gone this long without knowing?<\/p>\n

I immediately sent an email to my mother, who received it the next morning at work.\u00a0 She called me immediately.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sitting at my desk crying.\u00a0 This is it.\u00a0 This is why she can she can talk to me in my house, but can\u2019t tell me what she wants to eat at the restaurant.\u00a0 Why did we not know about this?\u201d<\/p>\n

From that point on, things started rolling forward.\u00a0 My psychologist friend got back to me with the same suggestion: selective mutism.\u00a0 I called my pediatrician, who \"\"confirmed that he had three other patients with this problem, and my daughter fit the description.\u00a0 The school psychologist observed my daughter and held a parent-teacher meeting to outline a plan.<\/p>\n

There is so much power in just having the right information.\u00a0 While each child\u2019s situation and treatment is unique, healing cannot begin until the right problem is identified.\u00a0 Pressure to speak (especially punishment) actually causes anxiety to rise.\u00a0 We could have caused our daughter to have bigger issues in our ignorance.\u00a0 This is why awareness is so important.<\/p>\n

Our methods changed over the years to fit my child\u2019s needs.\u00a0 Today my daughter is a blossoming pre-teen who can carry on a conversation with an adult whom she just met.\u00a0 \u00a0There was a time when I thought that this would never be possible.\u00a0 There is hope for children who suffer from anxiety.<\/p>\n

<\/i> Hello, humanoid! As you may know, the community blog contains true stories contributed to the GoZen! site. The Earthly people of law have asked me to remind you these stories are\u00a0not<\/a>\u00a0to be construed as medical advice. Instead, if you have a child suffering from anxiety, we hope you are inspired and empowered by the journey and healing of others. If you would like to contribute a story to inspire others, please send it in\u00a0here!<\/a><\/div><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Contributed by proud mother and writer, Kelly Harbaugh. “Is She Talking Yet?” I looked at the daycare director, puzzled by her question.\u00a0 My daughter was almost two years old, and she talked a lot. \u00a0How could she not know this? The director explained that she hadn\u2019t talked to anyone at daycare yet, so she was … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2085,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[55,531,59],"tags":[61,87,86,60,85,65],"class_list":["post-2083","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-from-the-community","category-parents","category-selective-mutism","tag-childhood-anxiety","tag-diagnosing-anxiety","tag-identifying-anxiety","tag-selective-mutism-2","tag-shyness","tag-social-anxiety","no-featured-image-padding"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2083","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2083"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2083\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2085"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2083"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2083"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gozen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2083"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}