Comments on: Handling Judgment When You Have a Child with Anxiety

By: Robin Ephram

Robin Ephram — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 03:26:38 +0000

We lacked the confidence to deal with our child’s anxiety. It ultimately cost us our marriage. Neither of us knew what to do and ended up either blaming each other or reacting terribly whenever the teachers didn’t understand our son’s behavior issues. I felt like a bad parent all the time.

I think I could have pulled it together if everyone wasn’t condemning me about my “lack of parenting skills.” That kind of lack of support really hurt me. My child is a teen now and we’re getting along better. He’s not as anxious and can make friends and socialize better than when he was younger so it’s easier for us to bond now. We have a lot of work to do but I think we can get it done. Maybe other parents out there have to “ride it out” like we did and maybe not have as many casualties along the way.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 02:43:42 +0000

When your child exhibits shyness to strangers and even family members, you start to wonder what’s wrong. Why does he hide behind my leg? What will people think? How do his actions make me look as a parent? This blog post has given me a few very helpful tools. You’ve given me hope. Yes, my son feels anxious when he’s around people he doesn’t know well. I don’t need to defend his actions or make him say hello. A simple, “He doesn’t want to talk right now” is enough. People might not understand his shyness, but that’s okay. I’ll continue to support my son and love him no matter how anxious he feels.

By: jimpower

jimpower — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 13:54:45 +0000

I would say in terms of judgment, make sure you’re not judging yourself as a parent either. We (my wife and I) had our first encounter with anxiety when our first born child was about 4. Every now and then, he would say he has a stomachache and he doesn’t feel like going to school. The frequency of complaint increased as years passed. We didn’t know what it was and the docs always advised some OTC like peptobismol to help with the stomachaches. Needless to say that solutions were temporary.

With passage of time and living with the anxiety, still undiagnosed, he would have trouble sleeping. He developed signs of minor depression, but WE were STILL treating him for stomachaches. Ugh. It wasn’t until his first year of college when we found a good clinician who diagnosed my son with generalized anxiety. It was amazing how every symptom he read off is what my son went through. But all those years of living with anxiety, I felt had somehow robbed him of some of the pleasures of childhood.

My son got help. I think one of the biggest reliefs was that he actually knew what was going on with him – there were others suffering the same way, he wasn’t going crazy. He learned coping techniques and he’s doing very, very well now.

Anyway, I see a lot of young parents here and I want to say to you not to judge yourself as a parent when it comes to helping your child. Do the best that you can to support your children. Love them and, of course, find them help. But remember, while you are put here to take care of your kids, please don’t bear the burden of everything they go through on your own shoulders.

By: Jay's Dad

Jay's Dad — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 13:38:48 +0000

Watching my child struggle breaks my heart. Watching how others relate or demean him as a result of his anxiety leads to extreme frustration, anger, and even hopelessness, sometimes. But I know my son and I know his amazing qualities. I think the one thing that keeps me sane with other kids/parents is remembering I’m a model for both my kids. And how I handle adversity and overcome struggles is being observed by those small eyes and big ears! If I strike my shin and yell out a cuss word, my precious three-year-old will do the same. Life lessons are no different. So I keep my explanations short (unless it warrants otherwise) and try to take the high road.